The excitement that surrounds an expectant mother starts building as soon as the good news is shared.  As her burgeoning belly grows so does attention from others.  Baby’s arrival brings relatives, friends, and neighbors…at first.  But as the much-awaited birth comes and goes, so do the people.  Often this can leave a new mother feeling isolated, tired, and depressed.

In some cultures, the new mother is relieved of her daily duties and attended to for up to 40 days postpartum.  Special restorative foods are brought to the mother, she is taken care of by members of her family, and her sole responsibility is to bond with her new baby.  This is known as a babymoon.  In our culture, 40 days after birth typically sees the end of a mother’s maternity leave!  

You can help meet a new mother’s needs simply by using your heart and your hands, and sometimes your ears.  Never expect to just plop in and be entertained – always ask what you can do to help.  Often mothers have reservations about letting you pitch in with cleaning or laundry.  If this is the case, place a simple list numbered 1, 2, 3 on the refrigerator.  Ask her to write down three things she would feel comfortable accepting help with.  The next time you visit, glance at the list and get going!  If she insists life is great, do something unexpected for her.  Bring her a pot of homemade soup and some warm bread.  Drop off a new pair of pajamas for her, or the baby, or both!  Demonstrate your active listening skills by summarizing her shared feelings and suspending your judgment, offering suggestions only if she asks for your opinion.   

I have the fortunate opportunity to nurture and support pregnant women during their experiences of pregnancy and birth.  I have noticed the mother who functions well, feels good, and exudes confidence early in the postpartum period is the mother who continues to be blessed with help and visits from her extended supporters.  Babies bring joy, but they bring demands as well.  By meeting the needs of the new mother in your life, whether she is a friend, a neighbor, or your own daughter, you are enabling her to better care for and meet the needs of her own baby. 

Three things that can help after the baby comes:

-Postpartum Support International
-How to Have a Happy Baby
-Operating Instuctions

The first thing that I'd want to do...

Okay, just kidding. Today I learned of a product called "Liquid Trust." It is an oxytocin spray that is supposed to help people trust you. It is advertised to people looking for love or that job promotion. I watched intently, waiting for the woman to state that it is a hormone released during orgasms and breastfeeding, and that it is the hormone responsible for the contractions which bring babies forth, and then the initial feelings a mother has which bond her to her baby. She mentioned the contraction part and the bonding part, but not the breastfeeding or orgasm part.

There was a doctor/researcher there who was integral in studying oxytocin. He administered oxytocin to hundreds of people and recorded what happened. He said it does help people feel more comfortable and trusting, but he said they need about 2 teaspoons in the brain to get that feeling, and that this spray 1) Would not be able to provide the amount needed by the brain, and 2) This is a substance regulated by the FDA, and where is this company obtaining their oxytocin? This company should be investigated.

The woman doing the promoting said it was a synthetic of oxytocin, which in the birth world we know as pitocin, so naturally I wondered if that is actually what they are using? If so, maybe they are just getting ahold of the bags they use in the hospital all the time? Heck, I might be willing to swipe a bag, saturate my clothes, and see if I strike it rich in money or love!

Okay, technically I have to say (in disclaimer mode) I have already struck it rich in love. Ahem. But money, on the other hand -- the verdict is still out on that one.

I am an avid blood-donor -- when the Bloodmobile shows up, I am out there, ready to give away a pint of my blood for a $5 coupon to the movies. If this company is interested, I would be willing to offer my own oxytocin for sale -- why not!? As a nursing mother I should have plenty to spare. Perhaps I will contact them and see if they are interested. After all, I am a cheap date!

Additional fascinating facts about oxytocin:

-The Two Faces of Oxytocin
-Hug the Monkey
-Breastfeeding Trust Hormone Clue