I was recently asked how women in general have the courage to go through birth more than one time.

My response:  Are you kidding? When I think over my last birth experience (11-05), I keep wishing I could go back to that last hour of most intense, hard, full-on kill-me-now labor. While it was hard and intense, what I remember and long for is the closeness that was in that room with my mom, husband, doula, and midwife. The quiet support they offered me. The jokes in between contractions. The anticipation of knowing the baby would be here soon. There was such a special feeling shared amongst us all -- like there was absolutely nothing else happening anywhere else in the entire world, or universe, for that matter.

Yes, during that intense time I said two funny things I 150% meant. 1) I told my midwife, "I'll let you pull him out with a vacuum, you know." 2) I told the room, "I don't think I can do this again."

My first baby was pulled out via vacuum after three hours of pushing. I felt let-down and insignificant, like my doctor could not help me push him out by suggesting another position, or just letting me take my time -- it was more like she wanted to get home. My dh knew I would be so upset if I actually did have this baby pulled out that same way, so he knew he would not let me do that (if it were not needed). My midwife laughed, too -- she recognized it as a cry for help and plea of desperation, but not what I really would have been happy with in the long run.

When I said the second thing I meant I could not have another baby after this. My midwife looked at my husband and said, "Do you want to get this in writing?" I held strongly to this until day 6 postpartum -- and then I remember thinking, "I would do it again."

There is just something so incredible about being on the cusp of that life-changing experience. I think I would have 5 labors/births to not have to go through 9 months of pregnancy, that's really where the draining experiences come in my opinion!

Before my first baby, I didn't have so much fear simply because I had no idea what to expect.  After my first, and seeing how things went and knowing more, yes I was pretty scared to have another baby. After my second I was even more scared -- they say the third birth is a wild card, and I also had this cognitive distortion that, well babies and I were safe the first and second time, so something bad is bound to happen now! 

After my third birth I felt like, heck -- they are just starting to get good! Having my third baby made me want to have another one, and I never felt that way before.

Your heart pounds, your mouth dries, your ears begin ringing, and your face suddenly feels so hot!  You just got a call that a potential client wants to meet for an interview.  This often leads to a mad-scrambling of resources, or the paralyzing shock of sudden responsibility.

No need to fear!  First off, keep in mind these people have contacted you because they are aware of the services you provide, and they are wondering how you as a doula can help them as expectant parents. 

Place:  Where to meet?  There are many different ideas about this.  Many doulas feel there is nothing better than to meet in the expectant parents' space -- their home.  The advantage here is, you are able to show them you can fit into their home and life.  Pregnant women are traipsing to a lot of different places -- the doctor's office, the ultrasound office, the hospital to pre-register, their childbirth classes.  Nothing is really accomodating, so to be able to visit a mom in her home can help with the whole why-one-might-want-a-doula-in-the-first-place:  Having an advocate to help with physical, informational, and emotional support who is more just a random stranger on shift.

Sometimes a doula might feel meeting in one's home, without any prior meeting or credible information about a potential client can be a safety issue. I have personally had times where I did feel comfortable going to a stranger's home for an interview; there are also times I feel more relaxed scheduling an interview in a public place.  Going with your gut can be helpful here -- we encourage women to use their intuition to aid in their process of birth, we need to remember that and apply it to ourselves, as well.

There is another school of thought that says, this is an initial meeting where no commitment has been agreed upon yet, so the doula and the expectant family should try to meet in a public location about as in-the-middle as can be, which can be helpful if a doula lives a distance from the potential clients.  This saves her gas money and travel time.  Often if a doula is hired, she makes the full trip to the clients' home for her prenatal meetings.

A good alternative to meeting in a private home is a comfortable, public location.  I often meet clients at a tea bar I frequent.  The atmosphere is light and calm.  There are many different types of tea and drinks, plus food if the meeting is at a meal-time or if someone needs a snack.  I have met at coffee shops before, although I don't drink coffee.  I have found they are often bouncing with noise and turnover-crowd.  Other places I have had interviews are parks (good in the weather is nice or the interviewee has other children), restaurants, medical office waiting rooms (this helps streamline a woman's appoinments), her work place at lunch (then we went on a nice walk), WIC Office, baby store, and an apartment's recreation center.

It would be naive not to take some cautionary measures for your safety when going to an interview.

-Leave a note detailing where you are going, who you are meeting with, and how long you will be gone.  Information that should be included:  The names of the folks you are meeting, the address of the location, the email address or access to any online exchanges you have had with the person.

-Bring a cell phone with you, especially if you are meeting at a private home.

-If you feel something's fishy about the situation, choose a public place, and perhaps have someone come with you, incognito at another table, or as a doula-in-training learning the ropes -- saftey in numbers.  I know this sounds odd, and if you really felt strange about something why go at all?  There are times, however, where you aren't sure about the situation.  I have never had a "this is not right," kind of situation at or after an interview, but I have had those feelings from initial phone or email contact.  Proceeding with a back-up plan is just an added measure of protection in an uncertain situation.

It is important to note I have not experienced anything scary or dangerous as I have worked as a doula.  The point is not to strike fear into your heart, the point is to remember to listen to your gut and be mindful of your safety as you proceed down this road. 

Stay tuned for part 2:  No Need to fear...the Interview:  What to Talk About?