We are in the middle of a move. It is hard to wade through 7 years of accumulated stuff, and there is a reason moving is one of those challenges that can help set a person into a depression. On the good side, our new place is bigger with more room; on the bad side, it is a new place, and there are a lot of kinks to work out, such as no available DSL/cable, no known address for the Post Office, and the usual rash of new-house-issues that we, as the first occupants, get to discover. It is an adventure, to say the least!
When having a baby, we have the opportunity to move. We move from one head-space, to another. It is a time to purge out old ideas, such as the fears surrounding birth that we have grown up with or watched on TV. It is a time to find the philosophies that resonate with us and our pregnant bodies, and nurture those, such as an innate belief that our bodies and our babies know how to time, cooperate, and coordinate all things needed for a safe birth-journey.
Just as each birth experience in a woman's life is unique, every pregnancy and birth-journey can leave an expectant mother feeling like the first person to move into a new home -- discovering the askew window, the shower with low pressure, the sink that wasn't sealed -- and these things can leave her feeling stress at the anticipation of how these problems will be resolved. Rest assured, though, that with the proper maintenance team, they CAN be resolved.
And so it goes for the pregnant woman. When a woman is surrounded by a care team that she trusts, she can discuss her particular issues and work towards solving them. There are things that can be picked up at a routine prenatal appointment, such as high blood pressure, but it is important to remember the physical body is just one room of the pregnant woman's house. If you are feeling unrest, worry, anxiety, your practitioner might not always be aware of that -- and you may feel you don't want to bother her. Let me share, though: If you feel something is going on that is not normal for you, your care practitioner will want to know.
I can speak from the heart on this one. I experienced a deep depression with my third pregnancy, and I mentioned it to no one. Looking back now, I realize it wasn't okay; at the time, though, I think it was pride that kept me from sharing this with my own midwife. Come on, I was a doula, a childbirth educator, and the already very-able mom to two children; I didn't want to embarrass myself by admitting that I might be having a problem I wasn't capable of fixing on my own.
This wasn't just a bit of negative thinking, though -- my thoughts were being colored by what seemed like a cloud hanging over my head. Here is a peek as to how serious (and distorted) my thoughts were: I was sure my baby was not going to be born alive. I just knew it. It kept me awake at night. I started having panic attacks. I disconnected a bit from my children. And of course worry consumed me. Through all of this, I never mentioned anything to anyone. I suffered in silence.
At the time, this was my full reality. Looking back now, I know I was in need of help, and I should have sought it out. But stigma and shame kept me isolated, and I endured alone.
That baby will be three next month. He is happy, healthy, and learning to use the potty. I recovered quickly after he was born, and we adjusted to life with three boys. I regret I spent so much of my pregnancy with him sure and ready to lose him.
When these kinds of thoughts don't just pass through your mind, but stay, take up residence, and make themselves cozy, it may be time to lighten the burden by getting in touch, and being honest, with our care practitioners. We don't have to be stuck in a bad mental space simply because our pride acts as a barrier. If you feel you may need help, please ask. It could be time to move.
Three places to find more information:
-Postpartum Support International
-What Uncle Sam has to Say
-Self-Quiz
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